Diversions

I've found these past few weeks to be filled with an assortment of emotions. In the hopes of understanding their origin, it appeared best to consider their destination. Yet I know nothing more of them using this method than I would have if I'd consider their origins first being responsible for their destinations. I was only informed of the shading they've added to my days and the hours they've bestowed upon my nights when all that is of simplicity and understanding elected to divest itself of my presence, leaving answers that presuppose questions where curiosities had yet to make themselves known. In seeking refuge from this confusion, in an attempt to mimic some degree of normalcy, which in this case would be defined as regulated emotional stimuli with immediately traceable destination which leaves no room for mystery by way of their sources, I elected to work through my frustrations believing that the occupancy of my mental facilities with that of which I desire to learn more and more of, would eventually lead me to a degree of calm, level headed understandings.

I was wrong.

My work was no more of a distraction now as it was some time ago when I realized that I was in a similar predicament. In fact, much unlike the last hike through this valley, I found that my efficiency had been compromised in such a manner that the work of brain as manifest at the tips of my fingers was only vaguely logical and certainly not recognizable to me as something that I would consciously produce. It was as though I had retreated inside of myself to hold a board meeting with my heart and mind while leaving with an assistant instructions on how to properly manage my affairs, only the instructions were not clear and my assistant was forced to constantly interrupt the meeting to gain clarity on issues only to be repeatedly given haze directions. In the end my meeting was fruitless, my house is in disorder, and my fingers are left pleading for their lives because after all, they were only acting on the directive relayed to them by way of impulse. They were never questioned as messengers before, why should they be now, in this, the hour of my confusion.

I then began, the arduous task of minimizing the effects of the damage that was done. Things needed to be restructured, motivations questioned, loyalties challenge and most importantly interviews had to be conducted. I needed to know, as empirically as one could, from whence these agents of confusion received their marching orders.

My findings are the following:

1. They know no leader, loyalty, or remorse.

2. Being a nomadic group, they've no idea when they'll be moving on. Or returning for that matter.

3. They're guarded concern for the land is more of an obligation than an actual concern, because if for whatever reason you're no longer available, they shall indeed move on. However are still in need of your services until further notice.

4. No bribe nor contractual obligation can police their activities, ultimately leading you to find yourself stuck with them indefinitely should you neglect the final point.

5. There departure is guranteed as soon as you place their arrival in it's proper perspective.


Truth be told, I was quite busy reading the wrong list. All that needed to be done was before me and that which stood beside me would remain or depart solely based on me taking care of what lies ahead...